Telly Vision

Another great night of TV. "Worst Week" will finally have its wedding and everything is going to go wrong. And there will be a lot of nudity on this week's "How I Met Your Mother." And on ABC's "Dancing With The Stars," there  are three couples left vying for the trophy -- Lance Bass, Brooke Burke and Warren Sapp.

8 p.m.

Dancing With The Stars -- ABC

8:30 p.m.

How I Met Your Mother -- CBS

9 p.m.

Prison Break -- Fox

One Tree Hill -- CW

Heroes -- NBC

9:32 p.m.

Samantha Who? -- ABC

According to today's Stroller column, the Beacon Drive-In will be featured tonight on Guy Fieri's "Best of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." The episode airs at 10 p.m. Co-owner Sam Maw and JC Stroble were interviewed for the segment.

It will also air at 1 a.m.

Someone please record and post to YouTube.

Two of my favorite shows end their seasons tonight. Too soon, I say. Those shows would be "True Blood," and "Entourage," on HBO.

There's also a pretty strong lineup on the 2008 American Music Awards on ABC. You've also got the Colts vs. the Chargers on NBC and new episodes of "Dexter" and "Californication" on Showtime. And "24" is back on Fox.

A lot of choices. So set your DVRs, Tivos or VCRs.

8 p.m.

2008 American Music Awards -- ABC

The Amazing Race -- CBS

24: Redemption -- Fox

8:15 p.m.

Colts vs. Chargers

9 p.m

Cold Case -- CBS

True Blood -- HBO

Dexter -- Showtime

10 p.m. 

Entourage -- HBO

Californication -- Showtime

10:30 p.m.

Summer Heights High -- HBO

Before you stuff your face with Thanksgiving turkey, Comedy Central has two holiday comedy specials Sunday night to satisfy your funny bone.

First off is Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special at 9 p.m.

Then at 10 p.m. is "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!" Besides host Stephen Colbert, the special is packed with star power including Toby Keith, Elvis Costello, Feist, Jon Stewart, Willie Nelson and John Legend.

Colbert is trapped in his cabin by a bear and can't get to his Christmas special. Yep, it's one wacky but funny holiday special. There's goats with antlers, goats with mouse ears, Toby Keith is singing a song about the "enemies of Christmas," John Legend is singing about Nut Meg, Willie Nelson is the fourth Wise Man in the Nativity Scene and Feist is an angel.

If you can't catch the special on Comedy Central Sunday night, "A Colbert Christmas" will be quickly released on DVD Tuesday.

Extras on the DVD include a Book Burning Video Yule Log, a Video Advent Calendar where everyday Colbert will give you a piece of holiday advice. There is also alternate endings to the specials and a bonus Christmas song.

There are a lot of hilarious new Christmas songs on this special and you can almost guess what Willie Nelson has brought as a gift for the new baby in the manger.

"Twilight" sucks, bites and every other vampire cliche I can think of.

Based on the best-selling novels by Stephenie Meyer, in director Catherine Hardwicke's hands, "Twilight" has been drained its blood, essentially its reason for being.

The story focuses on Bella (a miscast Kristen Stewart), who is described as "emotionally lost" but who somehow meets and makes a lot of cool kid, newspaper staff friends as soon as she arrives at her new high school in Forks, Wash. We know she is emotionally lost because she dresses like a skater kid and always has her iPod to her ears. I wonder what she's listening to? Probably music for emotionally lost kids.

Bella has moved to live with her police officer dad while her mom travels with her new husband who is a minor league baseball player. Mom and daughter seem to have a good relationship since they always talk to one another on the phone. The director makes a point of this and I'm not sure why. Bella actually seems to have two good parents. Bella is more like her dad, who also keeps to himself a lot and doesn't realize his daughter is about to meet the man of her dreams.

The guys at school are definitely interested in Bella but she's curious about the Cullen family -- who all look like very pale Abercrombie & Fitch models. Who knew vampires cared so much for hair care? That's a lot of hair gel that family uses so I guess they don't care how they are hurting the ozone layer which shields them from that hot sun.....

It's love at first sight between Edward and Bella. He gives her the creepy stare and also appears to get sick to his stomach when he first sees her. She starts to smell her hair making sure she doesn't smell or something.

He hides out for awhile and then reappears ready to make conversation. The audience has to endure this awkward dance for about an hour into the movie.

Then Edward saves Bella when a driver loses control of his vehicle and almost plows into Bella. He flies to her rescue leaving a big dent in the out-of-control vehicle. The very same thing happened on an episode of "Smallville." Is he Superman or a vampire?

Bella doesn't understand how he came to her aid so quickly and how he left a huge dent in the vehicle. How does he read people's minds? Why is his skin so cold? His face so pale? Why do his eyes change colors? Why, why, why? And why is she the only one asking these questions in this town? Are all of these kids clueless?

And why do all of the high school age children in the Cullen family appear more like couples than brothers and sisters? And why do they all look old enough to be the school's teachers rather than fellow students? And how do they get out of school when the sun is shining?

Finally, Edward spills all his secrets to Bella, who doesn't bat an eye. He calls himself a killer, a monster, plus he can move at the speed of light or The Flash. Still she doesn't flinch. He also said he wanted to drain her blood but stopped himself. Still, she thinks he's oh so cool.

In town, and in the surrounding counties, people are dying from what is believed to be an animal.

But the movie sticks to the "modern-day love story" and we see Bella going to have dinner with Edward's family. Finally, my interest picked up. The Cullen characters had some personality but unfortunately they are given short shrift.

Finally, we get to see who is doing all of the killing. It's a band of bad vampires. Unfortunately, these characters are also drawn thinly. What's their backstory? Why so hungry for blood? Why are vampires so interested in baseball?

I left this movie thinking there must be more to this than what I just saw on the big screen. I had more questions than answers. What about the bad blood between the Cullen family and the Native American characters? It's all in Stephenie Meyer's books. At least that's what I've been told. 

Well, at least, the movie has given me the desire to read the books. Because yes there will be a sequel. Blood thirsty fans will demand it.    

Twilight is rated PG-13 for adult situations and violence. Locally, the film can be seen at Spartan 16, Carmike 7, Hollyood 20.